Wednesday, July 07, 2004

You know you're from...

St. Louis when...
You like your bar-b-que cooked and immersed in sauce (Kansas City style) instead of roast beef with sauce on the side!
The first question you ask someone upon meeting them is, "So, where did you go to high school?"
You contemptuously denounce other areas for their accents, and then proceed to say "Warshington," "farty-far (44)," "yer," and "in/un (and)" without even realizing it.
You watch actors like John Goodman, Scott Bakula, Scott Foley, or Kevin Kline, just because "they're one of us."
You're used to streets that: a) end in one place and start up again half a mile down (i.e. Conway, McKnight), b) change names back and forth (Ashby, Warson, Lindbergh, Kirkwood), or c) run across highway entrance/exit ramps (Florissant, Hazelwood).
You expect every city to have towns/streets whose name ends in "wood."
You've ever fought with someone over the origin of toasted ravioli.
On a tour of St. Louis, you take out-of-towners to Ted Drewes. Period.
You recognize the name Cervantes but don't know much about it beyond that.
You make analogies between the Pope's Visit and Mark McGwire's home runs or the "Monday Night Miracle."
You consider a yellow light an indicator that you should speed up, not stop.
You still resent Kansas City because of the '85 World Series.
You wonder why anyone would eat Chili Mac on macaroni instead of spaghetti.
You are baffled when you hear the correct pronunciations of "Choteau," "Gravois," and "Soulard."
You respond to "Across the river" by asking "Which river?".
You cried when Mark McGwire hit more home runs than Sammy Sosa, not because the record was broken, but because St. Louis had bested Chicago.
You still have Mike Keenan's picture on your dartboard.
You always thought that the Archdiocese got its name from the Arch.
You say "St. Louis style pizza" instead of "thin crust."
You know what a Billiken really is.
You brag about our world champion Rams and baseball Cardinals, and you deny that the football Cardinals ever made their home here.

Kansas:
You never met any celebrities. (Bob Dole isn't a celebrity; he's your neighbor.)


You know the meaning of Rock Chalk Jayhawk.


Your closest neighbor is more than a mile away, and you can still see him from your front porch.


You know exactly what calf fries are, and eat them anyway.


A traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.


A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F150 4x4 is. (Except in Johnson County)


The terms Sooners, Huskers and Missouri Tigers cause the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up straight and your blood pressure to rise.


You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.


You are not surprised to find movie rentals, ammunition and bait all in the same store.


You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.


You have been asked, "Where is Toto" more than once.


You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.


Traffic congestion is ten cars waiting to pass a combine on the highway.


You have had to switch from heat to A/C in the same day.


You know everything goes better with Ranch.


You have seen people wear bib overalls to funerals and weddings and on the golf course.


You have ridden the school bus for more than an hour each way.


A tornado-warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.


You know the real way to pronounce the name of Clintons state and the river... arKANSAS.


"Vacation" means going to Kansas City or Wichita for the weekend.


You measure distance hours.


You know several people who have hit more than one deer.


You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.


It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item, even when you're in a rush, because you have to stop to talk to everyone in town.


You call that smell coming from the feed yards ... Money.



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